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Happy Birthday to me, today I am 45 years young and I really don’t consider out of my late 30’s. I never work on my birthday, I made the mistake of doing that last year after many years of taking it as holiday and I didn’t like it. So today I have been painting my day away, watching good tv and chilling out, and it has been a pleasant day.

My whole ethos for this year is Harmony which just in the first 2 weeks has been a real challenge, so I have taken small steps one journal page a week, gentle exercise every day that I can improve upon as the days and weeks go by instead of trying too hard at the beginning, failing and giving up.

So my first completed journal page is below, and it is sometime how I feel that is it raining life, everything coming down on me all at once. Mostly this tends to be work and as much as I try to let it go when you are there over 8 hours a day it is extremely hard.

Raining Life

Really enjoyed using my new Dylusions paints, lovely consistency and go beautifully with the distress paints and sprays. I just love the depth of colour that can be achieved through layering these products, with this in mind I thought I would have a go at painting some clay butterflies I made for my white tree.

White Tree 1

This is just the start and these were the only ones I had ready to paint, I like the look bright and sunny.

Pink Butterfly

Yellow Butterfly

Orange Butterfly

Green Butterfly

And I have started a new journal page  for this week, just loving the colours so rich

New Inspiration

So from doing no art to a fair amount over the last couple of weeks it feels really good to get back into my life again, get some work life balance.

Wishing you a great evening.

Clairester xx

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Today has been a windy rainy day, perfect for baking and painting so I have indulged in both today which is just as well as it seems the cold I have been fighting off is now coming out. I have done nothing but sneeze and blow my nose, very attractive.

I hate that weekends feel so short, time goes so quickly then it is Monday, feels so depressing that there is not enough time for rest and hobbies. Even now it is 9pm and I feel shattered ready for bed, I must be getting old that is for sure I need so much more sleep.

So I baked a banana, cinnamon and choc chip cake, eggs but no butter and quite frankly it is amazing, I will write out the recipe later in the week.

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I made some cinnamon icing and drizzled it over the top, really delicious and easy to make.

So art wise went a little mad on colour and I am really enjoying the new gelatos that I got, colours are so bright and they mix well. As you may already know I journal how I feel and recently I have felt emotionally confused about a friend, his behaviour to me has been over friendly and whilst I have been very restrained it has left me wondering what is going on between us. He doesn’t want to date me but can’t leave me alone, problem is aside from THAT I have a really great time when I see him. So this is what I journaled.

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I tried a few new techniques, I used gesso through a stencil so it gave a raised effect and I added some embellishment with a tag and flower. I love the colours I think because I feel so hard and so brightly it fits that when I journal feelings the colours are so vibrant. Sometimes I get so excited at the thought of using colour like now my hands are stained green from dylusions ink from a painting I have started.

Enjoy the rest of your evening.

Clairester
Xx

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Yes actually I am in love with myself, I know how wonderful for me! I have no significant other at present and have been focusing on myself, understanding how I tick and why I react the way I do. It has been an amazing learning curve and not without some interesting lessons learned along the way.

I now know that art is integral to my life force without it I am a mess, I love the journaling aspect of cleansing my emotions, Valentine’s day was a perfect chance as I received my delivery of gelatos, and dylusions spray.

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I love the gelatos, the colours are so bright and so many different applications.

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I love the dripping effect that they give with such vibrant colour.

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Here in the UK we have had the most terrible weather, rain leading to flooding, close to where one of my friends lives the underground river flooded, luckily the fire brigade and water services have spent the last week channelling the water into man made reservoirs. I salute the hard work they have done and are still doing.

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So for now I say good night and wish you happy days.

Clairester
Xx

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Thankfully I have holiday from work, so what do I start doing complete spring cleaning of my living/ craft room. I had a thought of moving furniture around as I have limited space and a lot of stuff.

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This is how I started this morning and it felt quite overwhelming to begin with, but after a few hours…..

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Finding a way of having a living room and functioning craft area is very hard as it has a tendency to always look untidy. So we are trying a new layout to see how it works out trying to keep it clean and tidy.

I finished off my journal page, this was made using distress paints and dylusions sprays in greens and blacks. With the stress of the last few weeks I have felt stunted, it has been hard to move forward in anything much less art. It just makes me realise how integral it is to my life.

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Excitingly my craft hawl this month is a set of Faber Castell gelatos which should be arriving tomorrow, there are so many new products I just wish I had enough money to try them all out.

Hope to post some of the results tomorrow.

Clairester
Xx

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This has been a truly exceptional weekend, I spent Friday night and Saturday with Chris, the guy I am dating. First on the plan was dinner and he made honey chicken stir fry which was gorgeous especially as I don’t like honey, then as he had introduced me to airsoft guns he showed me how to strip down and clean then, put them back together.

He was very sweet and had set up his rifles and targets for me to shoot at, who knew how fascinated I would be. Obviously this is in a safe environment but the mechanics are fascinating, apparently I was completely in the zone and it seemed to affect him on an emotional level that he gave me 2 guns, really very overwhelming.

On Saturday I shared art journaling with him and he created 2 very different pieces which are beautiful, he was happy for me to share them with you.

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Chris really threw himself into it, he got to see me at work and we had a really good time sharing something new, it was refreshing to have someone open themselves up to possibility, and a different form if creativity. He normally plays the harp and writes poetry!

This is my effort from the day, I just got to muck around with my paints and have fun.

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Chris opened up and as a result everything felt better. I don’t think this is a love thing, however it us more than friendship and I like it being the same for now, we are having inordinate amounts of fun which is what like is about.

So whilst I still feel messed up and my anxiety wants to play havoc with my mind, I am happy to know that Chris likes me and for now that is enough.

Sending loves this Sunday

Clairester
Xx

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So this weekend has been busy and strange. Busy as it is my last weekend before my weeks holiday so had stuff to get done. Baked, tried out a fat free banana loaf recipe with chocolate chips, half in the freezer for an after holiday treat.

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                                                       Very yummy and not too sweet!

I also made my final purchase for the month, had to be done half price and I have always wanted one, a Kipling backpack with a free lunchbox. Which I love!

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Life has been moving along, I have been taking each day as it comes, not really looking forward as it causes me too much pain and worry. For now that is working for me and is relatively easy to do, I have plans in my diary but I don’t have to dwell or worry about them.

Along with that it has meant that I have started to pack my emotions away, not all but some of them mostly the ones that hurt. It is like they are draining away, and I am trying to stop from packing them all into a box to protect myself, if I feel scared I want to run and hide.

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This time I want my life to be different, better, I want to experience more, do more and learn from this. I am a good person who deserves happiness and love, I also should have people in my life who want that for me.

Have a lovely evening!

Clairester
Xx

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Well, it has been a restful weekend which is just what I needed. On Friday I had a panic attack, the first for some time and the worst part was not being home and being alone, it was frightening and when I finally got myself home it took a couple of hours to calm myself down. It actually was my worst nightmare, all the stress and anxiety I have been feeling has been leading to this point.

It is ridiculous, the only person I am hurting is myself, I have to make the decision to stop letting these issues affect me. Easier said than done, I am highly emotional so feel things more deeply but Friday really went too far. Nothing and no-one is so important that I should allow myself to be so affected to the point where my health is compromised.

So work, I don’t know what us going to happen so I will take one day at a time and not look into the future, my friendship, I am frustrated because this situation is still not resolved. I don’t believe it will ever be so I lose my closest friend which I have to come to terms with and to be honest I am not sure what he loses.

Really what we had he should be having with his girlfriend and maybe it was always meant to be this way, he is ok he has support, I on the other hand, am back to being alone. I don’t think we can ever be the close friends we were, and at present we aren’t being anything. I have been trying to stay friends but it feels like I have just become a nuisance.

I think this is the last time that I talk about this because it us only perpetuating more anxiety and I need to take care of myself. Plus I am going to my parents in 2 weeks which brings on a whole different level of stress!!!

So I have been busy organising my work/ day bag, making sure I don’t carry crap, plus I needed a new backpack as the stitching is coming loose on mine. I managed to get a 50% reduction on a Kipling one so will post pictures when it arrives, but I have decorated the cover of my dylusions small journal to carry around with me.

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                                                                         The front

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                                                                     And the back!

I love the different designs and I have a thing about flying castles, who knew?

So I wish you a wonderful Sunday evening

Clairester
Xx

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