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Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’

What does sugar mean to you? Personally I have a very sweet tooth and love cakes, biscuits and the like, I have found a direct correlation between my anxiety symptoms and eating sugary treats.

So this weekend I started to do some research on how to cut sugar out of my diet, believe me I know it is going to be hard however there are so many health benefits to not eating sugar and along with that processed foods. It means eating healthy natural foods, so lots of organisation required so it doesn’t take an age to make food every day.

I read 2 books Davina’s 5 Weeks to Sugar-free by Davina McCall and Eat. Nourish. Glow  by Amelia Freer both have given me a huge amount of information about what eating sugar does to the body along with excellent recipes and meal plans to get started.

To start it is easier for me to follow Davina’s 5 Weeks to Sugar-free as the recipes are easy to make and not hugely expensive, I found Amanda’s book very helpful but a little austere and not really suitable for my life at the moment. I will definitely use some of the recipes as they sound delicious.

I am really looking forward to starting this, I have to get rid of a lot of food so most of it will be going to one of my friends then this weekend big spring clean of the kitchen, reorganisation and preparation of foods for the week. I will post updates over the weekend, I do have a journal page in progress which I will post once I have finished it. Unfortunately, I have a lot going on in my personal life and with work that is quite stressful so I am glad to have something to occupy my mind and so that I feel like I am more in control of my life. My anxiety of late has caused some problems so I want to try and lessen the symptoms so going forward I won’t feel so emotionally out of control.

Watch this space….

Have a lovely evening

Clairester

xx

 

 

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And I liked it alot.

Been an age since I last blogged, sadly the work/ life balance just became work, no life really in the 2 weeks leading up to Easter early mornings and late nights. I hate that it is really hard to create when I am so worn out or have no energy.

Luckily I have this week off so apart from catching up with chores I am painting up a storm and it feels good, I have really missed the creative outlet as I know how much it settles my mind, takes away anxiety and nurtures my soul. As you are already aware I paint from my heart, what I feel at that moment which is why I tend to do them quickly otherwise when the feeling dissipates it is a struggle to finish. With that in mind thus feeling has lasted several days so thus us what I created.

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So yes this is quite different for me, well at the beginning of April I got an offer for online dating so I decided to give it a go for a month. I wrote a honest bio for the first time and within a few days start chatting to a lovely guy. The emails were interesting about who he is, asking me about stuff in my bio and he was funny. Naturally it then progressed to talking on the phone, oh my so much laughter and we talked about everything. So last week he says we should meet, which for me is the hardest part I don’t consider myself attractive so it tends to be make or break.

Saturday was the date, we spent just short of 8 hours together which I think is long for a date, and it was the perfect day. Now I have never really dated, fallen into relationships, met odd men but never treated the way i was on Saturday. We got on really well, it was just easy as he was so kind and caring, by the end we were holding hands and he was very much the gentleman. Since then he has been sweet and honest, my normal reaction is to question, get anxious and control and instead I am going with the flow allowing myself to feel this way and enjoying how this feels.

Personality wise we fit, silences (if any) are reflective and calming, he is crazy handsome and a lot of fun and it all right now, in this moment feels right. I think dating when you are older (40’s) means you have a better perspective on what doesn’t work for you making it easier to spot what does. I am well aware that things change, as do feelings but I am trying to be the artistic, happy clever me not the one filled with anxiety who doubts everything ruins it then say I’ll never find anyone.

As a rule this doesn’t happen to me so I am happy to join this ride for as long as it makes me happy and our second date is tomorrow. Nice little line of anxiety going tonight that he will see me a second time and change his mind, totally irrational of course and if that did happen then he is not worth it, this I know….doesn’t help!

Anyway goodnight to you all

Clairester
Xx

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Well, it has been a restful weekend which is just what I needed. On Friday I had a panic attack, the first for some time and the worst part was not being home and being alone, it was frightening and when I finally got myself home it took a couple of hours to calm myself down. It actually was my worst nightmare, all the stress and anxiety I have been feeling has been leading to this point.

It is ridiculous, the only person I am hurting is myself, I have to make the decision to stop letting these issues affect me. Easier said than done, I am highly emotional so feel things more deeply but Friday really went too far. Nothing and no-one is so important that I should allow myself to be so affected to the point where my health is compromised.

So work, I don’t know what us going to happen so I will take one day at a time and not look into the future, my friendship, I am frustrated because this situation is still not resolved. I don’t believe it will ever be so I lose my closest friend which I have to come to terms with and to be honest I am not sure what he loses.

Really what we had he should be having with his girlfriend and maybe it was always meant to be this way, he is ok he has support, I on the other hand, am back to being alone. I don’t think we can ever be the close friends we were, and at present we aren’t being anything. I have been trying to stay friends but it feels like I have just become a nuisance.

I think this is the last time that I talk about this because it us only perpetuating more anxiety and I need to take care of myself. Plus I am going to my parents in 2 weeks which brings on a whole different level of stress!!!

So I have been busy organising my work/ day bag, making sure I don’t carry crap, plus I needed a new backpack as the stitching is coming loose on mine. I managed to get a 50% reduction on a Kipling one so will post pictures when it arrives, but I have decorated the cover of my dylusions small journal to carry around with me.

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                                                                         The front

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                                                                     And the back!

I love the different designs and I have a thing about flying castles, who knew?

So I wish you a wonderful Sunday evening

Clairester
Xx

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Yep it is the start of another week and now we are in August (roll on Autumn), so this turned into quite a busy long weekend. Out every day which is so unlike me, a lot of walking and meeting of a new friend.

Most of you know if my anxiety issues but Sunday was really quite special and different, I was due to meet a friend in London already a small issue with the travelling thing along with my local station being closed but I sorted a new route and I thought I was fine. I got so nervous that whilst I was not crying my eyes were constantly tearing up, butterflies in my stomach and in the end trying to get out the door was really hard work.

My achievement was getting there, spending the afternoon in crowds which freak me a little and then getting home in one piece without any unnecessary dramas. This proved to me that I can have adventures out on my own, as long as I plan my travel I feel safe, with that in mind it inspired my journal page and the quote I found. This is the new dylusions journal which is the perfect size, and some of her new stamps from Day of the Heads.

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I think that quote is true sometimes life does get crappy but the good times mean so much more to us. I know how hard it was on Sunday but the sense of accomplishment made it all worthwhile.  Now I just need to build on this for the future, I am not just going to sit around, I will be taking life by the horns and giving it a good old shake!!

So here is to exciting adventures, new friendships and being totally, wonderfully and bravely me!

Clairester
Xx

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Another beautiful day, and more journaling for me.

Both the Words of Me Project and the life coaching book I am reading talk about dispelling negative self talk, this is probably the area that affects me the most. I am incredibly hard on myself and use negative self talk to keep myself in line and under control. So I wrote all the things I say to myself and then wrote the corresponding positive words so I can use these as affirmations to myself.

Today has been strange, no anxiety as such but I get so antsy where I just can’t settle and I start lots of different things but don’t really focus on one thing. So my main goal was to get this journal page finished and I am happy that I managed that.

So another week starts and we are trucking towards August, I am enjoying this summer because it really is a journey of discovery and I am happy that I am making all sorts of new connections in the art/ journaling world.

I am grateful for acceptance, for support from all corners of the globe.

So here is to learning something new this week, have fun.

Clairester
Xx

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Wednesday Blues

“The winds of grace are blowing, it is you who must raise your sails.” Tagore

This is difficult I feel trapped in my life, that this isn’t the life I am supposed to live, I don’t know what my life should be but where I am is wrong. I feel like I have messed up on some level and I feel like I can’t break free from it all.

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I have been trying to be more positive but I feel like I have been knocked for six, I don’t deal with change well and I know this is a symptom of my anxiety.  Recently things changed work, friendships, and the way I feel about life. It is tough because I am so unsure of myself I am trying to work through it all, without any support because well I am not really sure why, other than my closest friend can’t/ won’t be there for me.

What helps is to write about it,  journal how I feel so that I can get some clarity so it is not just a jumble of thoughts. I am always able to work through it all, I will get there it just feels like running through treacle at the moment.

I appreciate you reading this I know sometimes it seems disjointed, another anxiety thing that sometimes I don’t realise that I am doing it, so thanks for staying with me.

Be safe
Clairester
Xx

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Sorry for going AOL, it has been a tough few days I am suffering badly from anxiety and unfortunately it has a habit of hampering my creative efforts. I have a lot of change happening, a lot of uncertainty which plays havoc with my mind, with anxiety you spend a lot of time amplifying what is happening and the possible outcomes normally worse case scenarios.

Yes I am capable of thinking of other subjects but the same happens my mind/ imagination escalates out of control, I can end up quite upset. Obviously I still have to go to work and function as I normally would, it takes a lot of energy to keep these destructive thoughts under control. So a lot of sleeping is required to keep my strength going, so I really just wanted to explain myself a little.

I have started a double spread in my new Dylusions journal, I really love the paper,it is big and if they could make a smaller one about an A5 I would love it even more. It is only a background at the moment which I will look to add to and finish this weekend.

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Have fun and be creative!!
Claire
Xx

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