Feeds:
Comments

A Fresh Start

Well hey and hello, it has been an age since I not only blogged but also did any kind of art or journaling. I am not sure what happened somehow with my job and other things going on I forgot who I was and what I need to keep some stability in my life.

With that in mind I embarked on some artwork today, weather a bit rubbish after coming back from holiday yesterday. Just wanted to get my creative juices flowing as I have been out of it for a while.

IMGP3165

I cannot believe we are already in the middle of March, this has been a crazy year so far I have been lucky enough to go on 2 holidays to the Dominican Republic with my boyfriend, he normally spends the Winters on holiday which his job allows. So I have spent 4 weeks relaxing, being pampered and for someone who hasn’t had a 2 week holiday away for 10 years this has been an incredible experience in learning how to relaxing and de-stress. Not sure I am fully there unfortunately the stress I endured before each holiday was immense as well as work issues on my return so these are definitely things I need to work on.

If you want to see any of the videos you can view them if you sort by newest first – Dominican Republic Jan 2015 videos

So now I am back a fresh start is needed, lots of art and journaling and blogging are on the agenda along with getting out and about to focus on some photography a new hobby I am trying.

So I wish you well for this Sunday evening and see you soon

Clairester x

Change of Direction

I have been away for quite a while, it seems there is just never enough time to fit everything in that I want to do.

The last 4 months have been crazy, amazing at times, hard work and sometimes stressful  but I really wouldn’t change what has happened, I just hope that the rest of the year is as exciting.

So what has been happening well very briefly, work has been crazy busy, working long hours and generally being unpleasant. I have met the most amazing guy who I have been seeing for nearly 5 months, honestly the time we spend together is just perfect and we went on my first holiday for 10 years together to Majorca which was beautiful.

image

Well we are fast heading into Autumn and it is the time for getting back into reading which I have missed desperately and spending my evenings being more productive doing art, I really miss it and I know it grounds. I have always known it keeps me sane if all around me is going mental. So I am back and I am going to try to film some of my making of art, my boyfriend has lent me a swish, fancy camera to use so watch this space.

Currently reading – Bringing up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel
I loved Wolf Hall and the sequel is equally as thrilling.

Looking forward to reading The Taxidermist’s Daughter by Kate Mosse

Also check out my boyfriends youtube channel, flying, shooting, and lovely holiday destinations – G-Dogg Cool Adventures

Wishing you all a happy Saturday night

Clairester

I Had A Date

And I liked it alot.

Been an age since I last blogged, sadly the work/ life balance just became work, no life really in the 2 weeks leading up to Easter early mornings and late nights. I hate that it is really hard to create when I am so worn out or have no energy.

Luckily I have this week off so apart from catching up with chores I am painting up a storm and it feels good, I have really missed the creative outlet as I know how much it settles my mind, takes away anxiety and nurtures my soul. As you are already aware I paint from my heart, what I feel at that moment which is why I tend to do them quickly otherwise when the feeling dissipates it is a struggle to finish. With that in mind thus feeling has lasted several days so thus us what I created.

image

So yes this is quite different for me, well at the beginning of April I got an offer for online dating so I decided to give it a go for a month. I wrote a honest bio for the first time and within a few days start chatting to a lovely guy. The emails were interesting about who he is, asking me about stuff in my bio and he was funny. Naturally it then progressed to talking on the phone, oh my so much laughter and we talked about everything. So last week he says we should meet, which for me is the hardest part I don’t consider myself attractive so it tends to be make or break.

Saturday was the date, we spent just short of 8 hours together which I think is long for a date, and it was the perfect day. Now I have never really dated, fallen into relationships, met odd men but never treated the way i was on Saturday. We got on really well, it was just easy as he was so kind and caring, by the end we were holding hands and he was very much the gentleman. Since then he has been sweet and honest, my normal reaction is to question, get anxious and control and instead I am going with the flow allowing myself to feel this way and enjoying how this feels.

Personality wise we fit, silences (if any) are reflective and calming, he is crazy handsome and a lot of fun and it all right now, in this moment feels right. I think dating when you are older (40’s) means you have a better perspective on what doesn’t work for you making it easier to spot what does. I am well aware that things change, as do feelings but I am trying to be the artistic, happy clever me not the one filled with anxiety who doubts everything ruins it then say I’ll never find anyone.

As a rule this doesn’t happen to me so I am happy to join this ride for as long as it makes me happy and our second date is tomorrow. Nice little line of anxiety going tonight that he will see me a second time and change his mind, totally irrational of course and if that did happen then he is not worth it, this I know….doesn’t help!

Anyway goodnight to you all

Clairester
Xx

image

Change is coming, I am terrible at accepting change when it is imposed on me, this time the change is coming from within. The last six months have been amazing as well as extremely difficult, stressful and confusing, this being so I have lost sight of one of my goals which was to continue getting healthy and losing weight. This is for me as I have not felt happy in my own skin for years and used it to punish myself for past wrongs.

So last week was the start of walking home from work (about 3 miles) every day and working out with my body blade, I was successful even when I was leaving an hour late from work. Lots of healthy eating and fruit, which will continue into next week and beyond. It is sad that in today’s world I cannot be accepted for who I am, it is one thing to be fat and a second problem to be different personality wise it is almost like a double whammy.

Even though you would think geeks would be attracted to each other it is not always the case, it seems a lot of men are holding out for their idealised poster girl which I am not in the running for. Don’t get me wrong I am not looking to get married (already been there) I really just want to share parts of my life with someone special who gets me and I want to be in love and be loved back (I am the queen of unrequited love!!).

I do like even sometimes love who I am, the strangeness of all my pursuits which all get thrown into the melting pot of making me totally unique and different. It feels sad to be 43 and to not have know kind, happy love, in the past I have been naive and easily manipulated, emotionally controlled and abused. I feel like it is not much to ask for, I do feel lonely for love and I would hate to think that it has passed me by.

So I am changing my outlook on life and actively looking for someone, however scary that might be and putting myself out in the world and seeing what gets thrown back.

Fingers crossed for some luck coming my way….

Clairester
Xx

Sunday Musings

Goodness me can you believe we are almost at the end of March, this year is already speeding past. Art has taken a small back seat just while I get back into walking, exercise to get myself back on track. I have to say I was absolutely knackered after walking home this week, so really didn’t feel inspired to do much other than read.

This weekend I tried jewellery making, I have wanted to have a go for a while but didn’t know how so found a necklace I liked then found out how to make one. I started with a bracelet, the photo’s have not come out very clear so sorry about that.

image

I used nylon cord and hand knotted between each bead, at first took me a while to get going but once you get a rhythm going it is quite easy and therapeutic. With that in mind I made a very long wrap around necklace…….

image

Really very boho, what I realised is you need a lot of beads so I am going to need to invest a little, what I love is that they are easy to make and they are unique. So I made one for my Mum for Mother’s Day!

image

All this inspiration comes from my obsession with pinterest, I love just looking for new ideas and there is so much inspiration which fills my heart with happiness.

Happy Sunday

Clairester
Xx

Selfie Art

I have never been particularly photogenic, there is a gap in photo’s when I was growing up where I refused to be in them. Now we are the culture of taking photos and taking ones of ourselves, out and about, no make up (God forbid) and worse!!

So I tried today, sun was out and well this is what I got, I guess I am biased because I hate photo’s of myself and tend to use the same couple over and over. I haven’t photo shopped them, so this is me in all my glory.

image

image

You may ask why take a photo of yourself if you will always be critical of how you look well if I wanted to date online this is kinda required, so it is about getting used to how I look.  Yes I look in the mirror, I style my hair, put make up on but I really don’t know what I look like, I only know who I am inside, what I think and feel and to be judged on my appearance feels unnerving. Yes I could try the old fashioned way which is what in today’s society meet someone in a club not when I am in my 40’s.

I haven’t decided to go all out but I will later this year when I am felling better about life. I think where I have felt unwell, gotten run down and having hay fever has left me unhappy, miserable and unattractive. So for now I am looking after me, working on my art and doing lots of reading because right now I feel trapped in my life, I am not living the life I want but I am unsure how to get there so I am starting slowly to work out what I want and how to get it.

image

So that is me today, who knows how I will feel in a couple of days.

Clairester
Xx

New Projects

Bit of a slow craft day, had a new idea, yep another project!! To make some jewellery, I was looking for a new necklace and could not see anything I liked, so why not make my own. Over the years I have collected a small supply of beads and such so I will be trying to crochet a necklace much like the one below

image

I have ordered the thread and a small crochet hook, so this will be my project for this weekend, really can’t wait. I had a practice with some wool and it was quite easy, I found a tutorial on YouTube. When I have finished one I will post the whole lot plus links, hopefully at the weekend.

Lovely shopping day tomorrow……and no work so relaxing!

Clairester
Xx

%d bloggers like this: